Christmas is Right Around the Corner!

Holiday plans… thankfully we don’t have many! Between working nonstop and construction going on around the house, I didn’t even decorate for Christmas. We didn’t put up a tree, we didn’t put out any decorations, and we didn’t put any lights up. Depressing, I know. For one, I cannot even get to our Christmas decorations with the remodeling going on and there’s no place to put any decorations because our house is just a cluttered mess right now. I also don’t want to ruin any decorations or dust them everyday because from tearing out the walls and old insulation (where there actually was some) and sanding, our house gets so dusty every day. I did go to Hobby Lobby (my favorite place in the whole world) and bought a tiny 22 inch little glittery tree that has some red bulbs on it, so that is our tree this year. We also bought two other cute decorations that are out but that’s it. I LOVE decorating for Christmas and am so bummed I wasn’t able to this year. So I will be going all out next year for sure!

Christmas is what, 7 days away? Let’s talk about gifts. As I get older, the less I like gifts. To be honest, to me, all these gifts we have to get for everyone literally ruins Christmas. I know I sound like a Grinch, but seriously. The holidays are stressful enough as is making sure you have time off from work, have travel plans figured out, dinner plans, and for Matt’s family, they have more than one Christmas, so who’s Christmas can we make it to this year? Now throw in how ever many gifts and each year the family grows so that’s one more gift and so now instead of being excited about giving gifts I get extremely stressed out because that’s a lot of money for gifts and just because I have a good job doesn’t mean I want to spend a whole check on gifts. Also, what if they don’t like the gifts? You have PJ shorts on your list, but what color did you want? What if you don’t like the style? You know? It’s extremely stressful and especially list year because we are forking out money for renovations and a wedding. I don’t even like to get gifts. I would honestly rather watch someone open gifts (like the children) and see their faces light up rather than me getting any gifts because everything on my list isn’t stuff I really want, it’s just stuff I kind of want, don’t need, but needed to make a list so that’s what I came up with. You know? Everything on my list is stuff I’m more than capable to get myself. I just wish I didn’t have to buy adults gifts and just get the kiddos some and that would be perfect to me. Christmas is about family to me. Yeah, some people it’s about giving, but give to those who need it, not me. Next year, I’m vetoing gifts. I’ll buy some for the kids, but that’s it.

Ps. I am not even close to done with my Christmas shopping.



Hatred. Stressful. Exciting. Exhausting.

Those are some terms to describe my feelings towards our bathroom remodel. To be honest, I have not done a lot myself for the remodel, I pretty much just help pick out the items we need for it and that’s basically it. I do have to live with not having a bathroom, having wood chips stuck in my socks, going to the bathroom with no door, and the best one yet, sitting on a wobbly toilet and being able to see through the cracks in the floor right to our basement.

It started as every day I come home, more and more of my bathroom went missing. It started out as Matt said he “accidentally” put a hole in the wall when pulling off some of the tile in the shower. I was thinking maybe the size of one piece of tile, instead, this is what he meant:

The next day I come home and most of my walls in my shower are gone as well as the curtain that shielded the window and matt put plastic all over the walls. I’m not a person who gets claustrophobic but being surrounded by plastic sheets just freaks me out. The next day I come home and most of the drywall is gone, my bathroom vanity is gone as well as the toilet. Well this could be an issue since it’s our ONLY bathroom. Needless to say, that night I may or may not have had to pee behind the vehicle in my backyard (it was dark and I was pretty hidden). Matt put the toilet back in thankfully each day when I got home after that. The next day my tub and shower were gone. I literally went FOUR days without an actual shower. I gave myself “bed baths” and washed my hair in the kitchen sink. That same night I heard a lot of sawing and loud noises and then watched as Matt and his cousin pulled up our old flooring including the plywood or whatever it is. The only flooring left in the bathroom was the wood they used for floor when the house was built and since it was never meant to be the actual flooring, it has some nice cracks in it so you can see clear as crystal into our basement. Matt ended up making us a temporary shower in the basement thankfully so we could officially shower again.

Most recently, I care home from work and my new tub and surround were put in, I had drywall covering most walls and the ceiling, new plumbing and best yet, new wood on the floor so I could no longer see into the basement! I was seriously so excited I had tears!

We still have a long way to go before it’s done, but we are definitely making some serious progress!

I Said Yes to the Dress

Wedding dress shopping is a nightmare. 

Maybe that is just my opinion but it wasn’t all ooohs and ahhhs when I was shopping. It also doesn’t help that I don’t even like shopping to begin with. Yes, I love shopping st Victoria’s Secret and I love buying new workout clothes but guess what, I don’t have to try those on because I know my sizes and it doesn’t change. Any other store you go to you have to try on literally everything and it’s not any fun for me. I hate trying on 20 outfits and that is exactly what dress shopping is. Try on 25+ dresses and hope to find “the one.” 

I started the morning off sick to my stomach, I’m not sure it was my anxiety because it didn’t feel the same. Either way, I had to push my appointment back 30 minutes to give my stomach time to settle. The first place we went to was so overwhelming. There were so many dresses and it was my first time trying on or even looking at dresses so I had NO idea what I liked. Well I found a dress I really liked but still had another place to go that afternoon. When we got to dress place #2, it had a much friendlier and comfortable atmosphere which helped tremendously for someone like me who gets anxious about everything. 

I only tried on 7 or 8 dresses and the the 4th dress in was amazing. I just felt beautiful in it and I had a huge smile on my face when I came out of the dressing room even before I saw it on me in the mirror. I tried on a few after that and I was debating on three. When I tried the one I loved on again, I knew it was “the one” without needing to try the others on again. I always wondered how people knew how they know if it’s “the one.” I knew because I couldn’t my smile off my face. The other ones I tried after just didn’t make me feel as happy when I was wearing it. So when they asked if it was the one, I had to say yes to the dress!

Picking out clothes for pictures…. 

Choosing outfits for engagement photos is a nightmare. Maybe it’s wonderful for people who like to shop and who actually wear cute outfits regularly. My normal attire consists of sweats, yoga pants or running clothes and that’s it. I don’t dress up ever and I usually wear what I listed above when I go out places. 

We have engagement pictures tomorrow and it took us hours to find two outfits each for these pictures. Neither one of us likes to shop unless it’s for tools (Matt) or more exercise clothes (me).  My sweats and yoga pants are usually just bought online so I don’t have to go into a store. The only store I absolutely love and could spend hours in is Hobby Lobby. I don’t have to try on outfits or anything there so I especially like the place. 

Well we finally found a couple outfits each and tomorrow is the big day for these pictures. Did I mention neither of us like pictures? Selfies is one thing because you can be yourself but I hate having to pose. Pray for us that our outfits look decent together! 

Don’t mess with my tomato

You know those days where you’re just in a really bad mood and everything seems to piss you off? Well yesterday was one of those for me. It was just a really “off” day. I’m not going to lie, being exhausted 24/7 thanks to my wonderful thyroid does not necessarily put me in a good mood. Have you heard of the term “hangry?” Hangry might as well be my middle name. For those who aren’t sure what it means: you’re so hungry, you’re angry. Happens to me quite often. When you throw being overly tired in the mix, it’s a recipe for disaster. Read below for a prime example of a hangry episode. 

Our garden is growing and producing like crazy, we have at least 15 tomato plants so you can probably imagine how many tomatoes we pick each day. This time of year it’s basically a BLT day every day for dinner. We don’t seem to ever get sick of them, how could you? Garden tomatoes are seriously the best. 

So I know I’m jumping all over the place here, if you ever chat with me in person, I tend to do it quite often. Anyways, here’s my point: we had BLTs last night, I have been working the later shift at work and don’t even get home until 8. Matt usually has something ready for me when I get home because he knows I refuse to eat after 9pm otherwise I stay awake listening to my stomach digest and it drives me crazy! (Another story for another day.) Yesterday I stopped at my sisters and so I got home even later than usual and it was about 10 minutes to 9. I started cutting tomatoes and popped some toast into the toaster. I made my BLT as soon as Matt came in with bacon fresh off the grill. When I got up to make another BLT Matt decided to joke around and sprinkle some garlic salt on a tomato slice (there were only 3 slices left before I’d have to cut up more tomatoes) I got annoyed and told him those were for my BLT. Naturally he thought he’d annoy me more by putting the salt on the other 2 slices and stuck them in his mouth and smiled at me. 

Here’s where I became ridiculously dramatic. I hit the cancel button on the toaster and got mad that he ate my tomato. He even nicely offered to cut a new one and I was so angry about it, I said no and threw my paper plate away. I was so annoyed at Matt that I literally let myself stay a little hungry because he ate my tomato. 

Did you read that correctly? I got mad at Matt because he ate my tomato. 

Seriously, I wonder how he even puts up with me. 

PS. I DID apologize for overreacting over a stupid tomato. 

No, Matt is not an A-hole. He was literally joking around and any other day I would have laughed at him eating the last bit of my tomato slices and just sliced a new one. To be honest, I would have eaten his tomato if I was in his shoes and he was making the BLT for himself. Like I said, it was a really “off” day. 

Bad Ideas

I started a diet last week since I’ve gained over thirteen pounds. None of my pants fit and even my sweats are getting snug. I go to work with my dress pants unbuttoned because I refuse to buy new ones because I am going to lose the weight. No, I’m not eating more than usual, yes I’m being active. In fact, I’ve been eating healthier than I ever have lately and I’m in the middle of training for a half marathon so I’m exercising every day. I’ve also been taking a nap every day and can barely stay awake to drive to and from works. Long story short, for some blood work and turns out my TSH levels are high. So yay for my thyroid. NOT. So that’s what’s been going on in my life lately and definitely explains my weight gain. Doesn’t my thyroid know I’m getting married in a year? This past weekend we helped a friend of ours swap out their fridge and stove. Let’s be honest, I did not help, I watched. I did sweep and clean a little bit but mostly talked, annoyed Matt, drank wine and ate dessert that my friends husband made. I have no idea what it was called but it was chocolate amazingness. (Great for my diet.) I thought it would be a good idea to go for a ride on the dolly. Key word: thought. Matt specifically said it was not a good idea but he let me hop on anyways. When he lowered the dolly to start moving, it scared me because it was so sudden so I quick kicked my foot down to catch my balance. Instead of kicking my foot to the floor to catch myself, I slammed my heel into the bar on the dolly. Ouch. Let’s just say that was pretty painful. Thanks to Paula, she got some ice on it right away and had me rest it on a chair. You know that feeling when you hurt yourself but people are around and you have to laugh because it hurts so bad but really you’re wanting to bawl your eyes out at your stupidity and the pain. Well that was me. Sometimes I just have some bad ideas and riding a dolly is definitely top on that list.  

Long Run Saturday

Sorry it’s been a while since I posted, life has been crazy. I wanted to make sure I get back in the habit of posting for all of you again. 😊

Today was my long run, I have two more half marathons coming up this year, one in September and one in October. It’s is crunch time to make sure my training gets done so I don’t die at either one of my races. Thankfully today was a week where I get to cut back on my long run before my 9 miler next weekend so I only needed to run 6 miles today. I’m not going to lie, I run slow like a turtle on my long runs. Today started out with a icky stomach so I waited until around 9:30 before I went out for my run. I got my running clothes on, filled my water belt and turned my Garmin watch on. I walked to the end of our block while my GPS loaded on my watch and then away I went. My Garmin unfortunately does not tell me my pace until I hit a mile mark. Well today I felt so winded and out of breath, it was also clear skies, sunny and humid out. There was a little breeze but I just couldn’t help but feel so winded during my run. I thought in my head, the first mile is always the hardest, to get me through it instead of giving up and heading home. I don’t listen to music when I run so I can listen to what’s going on around me as well as think about things. Running is where I think of designs for my next set of cards I make, what races I may want to do, things I should do when I get home, and lately a lot of wedding thoughts/planning. Today all I could focus on was how tired I was. I managed to make it to mile 2.86 and my stomach was acting up. It’s common for runners to have to poop while running and unfortunately there was no bathroom around where I was. I decided to walk a little bit and drink some water, which helped tremendously. Well the last three miles weren’t any better than the first three. My legs felt like bricks, I couldn’t think of anything except how exhausted I was and how out of breath I was. 

When I got home I started to feel better (less sick/icky feeling) and my legs didn’t feel too bad. I looked at my Garmin and my average pace for my 6 miles was 11:30! I swear I walked like a mile once my stomach started acting up and I still managed a decent pace? I was so proud of myself and it definitely made sense why I was so winded during the run because obviously I was running faster than I usually do on long runs. I figured I’d finish with a 14 minute pace or something. I did end up getting pretty sick about an hour after I was done running but my nap and Gatorade definitely helped. Woot! Bring on 9 miles next Saturday! 

Our Las Vegas Trip

Vegas is not for me. Why you may ask? Well it’s simple, I do not fit in.
Vegas would be great for a group of girlfriends celebrating or just going out to have fun for three days tops. Not for a five day sister trip. Don’t get me wrong I had lots of fun, but it was overwhelming for me at times especially at night when I wanted to sleep or relax. Vegas is for those who like to stay out late, drink and party. All the women in Vegas seem to wear very little clothing, revealing clothing and big heels. There is also the smell of weed everywhere, so if you’re a smoker, it’s wonderful. I on the other hand like to be in bed by 9:30 at the latest, I am not a drinker (yes, I have wine most nights) but I don’t party and get drunk. I hate showing my body, I don’t even like to wear a bathing suit and I prefer tennis shoes or flip flops. I also do not smoke anything at all, I don’t like the smell and it literally makes me nauseous. (Good for you if you do, but I don’t so I don’t appreciate it being shoved in my face.) So as you can tell, Vegas is the exact opposite of what I prefer. I did have fun; I got to see lots of things and people. I am definitely a people watcher and Las Vegas is a great place to do that.

My uncle and a close family friend came to Vegas for a couple days so we spent a lot of time with them. One of the nights Darrell took us for a walk down the strip. We walked a total of 4.5 miles, my feet were dying and we didn’t even get back to our hotel until 2:30 in the morning. I was exhausted. While we were walking, someone on the street offered us “the greatest weed or some cocaine” so that was interesting, but no thanks. People had their little children out in the middle of the night walking the strip. I don’t get how people think it is alright to take your kids on the strip in the middle of the night. People are selling drugs, giving us flyers for the strip clubs so there’s topless photos of people all over the sidewalks, homeless people as well as people smoking weed and drinking. I don’t care if you hate me for saying this, VEGAS IS NOT FOR CHILDREN!

Overall, it was lots of fun, we got to go to shows, the Backstreet Boys concert and sight-see. Next time I go to Vegas, it will be for 3 days tops. Maybe a long weekend, but not 5 days. 

Anxiety Sucks

Both my doctor and my mom suggested taking half of an Ativan before any trips that I take since my anxiety gets so bad. Well of course I have to try and be stubborn and it never fails I will start to have a panic attack and then I have to suffer until the Ativan kicks in. It’s absolutely miserable for that thirty minutes or so. I get a rush of every feeling and my body shakes uncontrollably until the adrenaline stops rushing and my body crashes to where I am finally able to calm down and sleep. Well that’s how my trip to Las Vegas started! I got sick and we had to stop about half way to the airport so I could go to the bathroom and just try to relax for a minute. I felt terrible leaving on vacation this way, I was so anxious and sick feeling I didn’t even want to really hug and kiss Matt goodbye because I was so out of whack. 

Let me tell you some advise, if someone is having a panic attack or severe anxiety the LAST thing you should tell them is to calm down and breathe. Telling someone to focus on their breathing is great as the anxiety comes on but once it’s there, it’s not going to help. It actually can frustrate you more because you mentally cannot calm down. Your mind is more powerful than you could ever imagine. If someone is having a serious anxiety attack there’s a few things you NEED to do, which I will name here in a minute. Now everyone is different and has different versions of anxiety/panic attacks. Unless I tell you what’s going on, you won’t really notice unless I start shaking, crying, throw up or lose the ability to use my own limbs on my body and I need your help to walk. So here are those things you should do that help, ask questions that do NOT pertain to anxiety. Ask about the last trip I was on or about my family, ask about details because I won’t be able to focus enough to think of those details without you asking. Give me cool air and a lot of it. If we are somewhere with a fan, I need it. My blood feels like it’s boiling so I need something to help with the hot feeling. Let me walk, I know pacing can raise your heart rate and that seems to defeat the purpose of the Ativan but it’s what I need to do to focus my mind on something else, I focus on walking. It helps the most to have my baby Dozer with me so he can walk with me and I focus on him instead of myself. So if you are with me and I get anxious or know someone who also suffers from GAD, use those tips! Trust me, when it’s all done and over with they will be thankful. Anxiety sucks, it’s just as simple as that. But that’s my life and I need to learn to live with it. 

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