Sorry it’s been a while since I posted, life has been crazy. I wanted to make sure I get back in the habit of posting for all of you again. 😊
Today was my long run, I have two more half marathons coming up this year, one in September and one in October. It’s is crunch time to make sure my training gets done so I don’t die at either one of my races. Thankfully today was a week where I get to cut back on my long run before my 9 miler next weekend so I only needed to run 6 miles today. I’m not going to lie, I run slow like a turtle on my long runs. Today started out with a icky stomach so I waited until around 9:30 before I went out for my run. I got my running clothes on, filled my water belt and turned my Garmin watch on. I walked to the end of our block while my GPS loaded on my watch and then away I went. My Garmin unfortunately does not tell me my pace until I hit a mile mark. Well today I felt so winded and out of breath, it was also clear skies, sunny and humid out. There was a little breeze but I just couldn’t help but feel so winded during my run. I thought in my head, the first mile is always the hardest, to get me through it instead of giving up and heading home. I don’t listen to music when I run so I can listen to what’s going on around me as well as think about things. Running is where I think of designs for my next set of cards I make, what races I may want to do, things I should do when I get home, and lately a lot of wedding thoughts/planning. Today all I could focus on was how tired I was. I managed to make it to mile 2.86 and my stomach was acting up. It’s common for runners to have to poop while running and unfortunately there was no bathroom around where I was. I decided to walk a little bit and drink some water, which helped tremendously. Well the last three miles weren’t any better than the first three. My legs felt like bricks, I couldn’t think of anything except how exhausted I was and how out of breath I was.
When I got home I started to feel better (less sick/icky feeling) and my legs didn’t feel too bad. I looked at my Garmin and my average pace for my 6 miles was 11:30! I swear I walked like a mile once my stomach started acting up and I still managed a decent pace? I was so proud of myself and it definitely made sense why I was so winded during the run because obviously I was running faster than I usually do on long runs. I figured I’d finish with a 14 minute pace or something. I did end up getting pretty sick about an hour after I was done running but my nap and Gatorade definitely helped. Woot! Bring on 9 miles next Saturday!
Vegas is not for me. Why you may ask? Well it’s simple, I do not fit in.
Vegas would be great for a group of girlfriends celebrating or just going out to have fun for three days tops. Not for a five day sister trip. Don’t get me wrong I had lots of fun, but it was overwhelming for me at times especially at night when I wanted to sleep or relax. Vegas is for those who like to stay out late, drink and party. All the women in Vegas seem to wear very little clothing, revealing clothing and big heels. There is also the smell of weed everywhere, so if you’re a smoker, it’s wonderful. I on the other hand like to be in bed by 9:30 at the latest, I am not a drinker (yes, I have wine most nights) but I don’t party and get drunk. I hate showing my body, I don’t even like to wear a bathing suit and I prefer tennis shoes or flip flops. I also do not smoke anything at all, I don’t like the smell and it literally makes me nauseous. (Good for you if you do, but I don’t so I don’t appreciate it being shoved in my face.) So as you can tell, Vegas is the exact opposite of what I prefer. I did have fun; I got to see lots of things and people. I am definitely a people watcher and Las Vegas is a great place to do that.
My uncle and a close family friend came to Vegas for a couple days so we spent a lot of time with them. One of the nights Darrell took us for a walk down the strip. We walked a total of 4.5 miles, my feet were dying and we didn’t even get back to our hotel until 2:30 in the morning. I was exhausted. While we were walking, someone on the street offered us “the greatest weed or some cocaine” so that was interesting, but no thanks. People had their little children out in the middle of the night walking the strip. I don’t get how people think it is alright to take your kids on the strip in the middle of the night. People are selling drugs, giving us flyers for the strip clubs so there’s topless photos of people all over the sidewalks, homeless people as well as people smoking weed and drinking. I don’t care if you hate me for saying this, VEGAS IS NOT FOR CHILDREN!
Overall, it was lots of fun, we got to go to shows, the Backstreet Boys concert and sight-see. Next time I go to Vegas, it will be for 3 days tops. Maybe a long weekend, but not 5 days.
Both my doctor and my mom suggested taking half of an Ativan before any trips that I take since my anxiety gets so bad. Well of course I have to try and be stubborn and it never fails I will start to have a panic attack and then I have to suffer until the Ativan kicks in. It’s absolutely miserable for that thirty minutes or so. I get a rush of every feeling and my body shakes uncontrollably until the adrenaline stops rushing and my body crashes to where I am finally able to calm down and sleep. Well that’s how my trip to Las Vegas started! I got sick and we had to stop about half way to the airport so I could go to the bathroom and just try to relax for a minute. I felt terrible leaving on vacation this way, I was so anxious and sick feeling I didn’t even want to really hug and kiss Matt goodbye because I was so out of whack.
Let me tell you some advise, if someone is having a panic attack or severe anxiety the LAST thing you should tell them is to calm down and breathe. Telling someone to focus on their breathing is great as the anxiety comes on but once it’s there, it’s not going to help. It actually can frustrate you more because you mentally cannot calm down. Your mind is more powerful than you could ever imagine. If someone is having a serious anxiety attack there’s a few things you NEED to do, which I will name here in a minute. Now everyone is different and has different versions of anxiety/panic attacks. Unless I tell you what’s going on, you won’t really notice unless I start shaking, crying, throw up or lose the ability to use my own limbs on my body and I need your help to walk. So here are those things you should do that help, ask questions that do NOT pertain to anxiety. Ask about the last trip I was on or about my family, ask about details because I won’t be able to focus enough to think of those details without you asking. Give me cool air and a lot of it. If we are somewhere with a fan, I need it. My blood feels like it’s boiling so I need something to help with the hot feeling. Let me walk, I know pacing can raise your heart rate and that seems to defeat the purpose of the Ativan but it’s what I need to do to focus my mind on something else, I focus on walking. It helps the most to have my baby Dozer with me so he can walk with me and I focus on him instead of myself. So if you are with me and I get anxious or know someone who also suffers from GAD, use those tips! Trust me, when it’s all done and over with they will be thankful. Anxiety sucks, it’s just as simple as that. But that’s my life and I need to learn to live with it.
Yesterday was laser day, the day once every 8-10 weeks where I willingly go get zapped by lasers. I am not sure how many of you have gotten laser hair removal but let me explain the process to those who have not had it done. There are different types of lasers that are used each time you go for a treatment, I am just going to explain my experience yesterday with that laser. You walk into a room with extremely friendly staff (thank goodness since they are going to see my whole body shortly) and they show you where you can set your stuff down and a reminder to have your body a certain direction (head towards the door or vice versa) then they walk out of the room for you to get undressed. What I don’t understand is why they even bother leaving the room since they are going to see my body in a few minutes.
I got undressed and sat on the table waiting for the lady to come back in. One of the things they request you to do before each treatment is shave, otherwise they will shave you. We started with my underarms and then legs; the technician lathered me up with gel and got the laser ready to go. I shortly learned the more hair follicles, the more it hurts. I was thankful that they didn’t need to shave any parts of my legs this time which is shocking considering I always miss a chunk. One thing I am very thankful for, the treatment goes relatively quick. You don’t have to sit there in pain for long periods of time. Now the pain is definitely not unbearable, I mean I had kidney stones and this was nothing compared to that. It was more of a very uncomfortable pain that made my legs twitch, especially around the ankles. Then it was time for the part I was dreading… full on Brazilian. Laying there with my legs spread eagle while someone was zapping me with a laser wasn’t even the worst part. I had to lie on my side and hold one butt cheek up so she could shave whatever hair I had missed that morning and then apply the ice cold gel there as well to laser that hair away too. I definitely have to say, laser hair removal is quite the experience especially if you opt in for Brazilian.
Race weekend got the best of me. I did not train like I should have and even though I did not die during race weekend, my legs were still incredibly sore! The weekend started with a five hour drive to Duluth on Friday. Since I have anxiety so bad I only ate a poptart that morning just because I get paranoid I am going to get sick and then I will be stuck in the car. By time we made it to Duluth, I had taken a little nap, was hot and just wanted to keep sleeping. Every time I go to Duluth, it usually is about 20 degrees cooler than where I live since it is right on Lake Superior. It definitely was not any cooler this year! Not only was it 84 degrees out, it was also extremely humid. On normal circumstances I’d love that, however, I had a 5k to run at 6pm and I just got out of the car at 5pm. I was also starving by time the race came; I ate a banana right before it and ran the race. It was so miserably hot. I was sweating so bad and was so hungry. I finished the race and drank some chocolate milk, water and finally got to eat.
We stayed at my parents’ camper at the KOA instead of paying an arm and a leg to stay at a hotel in Duluth. Next year I am definitely getting a room. We had five adults, six kids and a dog in that tiny camper. Two of the kids are 2 years old and cried off and on all night. Then I had to listen to my mom telling the boys to be quiet. Then the AC would kick on and I would be freezing cold and snuggle in my blanket next to Matt. When the AC would turn off, it immediately would get hot and sticky and I would wake up all sweaty. Needless to say, I did not sleep much at all. It also did not help we went to bed around 11pm and had to wake up at 3am to get ready to leave to catch our bus to the start line.
After I finished the race with my sister, mom and aunt, we headed back to the camper so I could take a nap and wait for the campground showers to open. I ended up sleeping 45 minutes and then my parent’s vehicle broke down while going to garage sales. I had to go pick up my mom and nieces and bring them back to the campground and by then, it was time for us to head home. I still did not get a chance to shower. I slept the entire five hours home from Duluth and took a nice long shower when I got home. I think I was sleeping by 9pm and slept the whole night until 6am. Some advice for your next race is; make sure you get plenty of sleep, make sure you eat healthy foods before you decide to run, and last but not least, TRAIN!
Landscaping is the worst. Literally. Maybe it wouldn’t be bad if we hired someone but Matt likes things done right and perfectly so he does it himself. That’s great and all but it also takes a lot longer to get things done since he works full time and has his own business too. I have to admit, the landscaping that is done looks great. It’s been a two year project and our house is really small. But like I said, it has to be done perfectly. Things need to be level, measured, and a certain way. Things we’ve gotten done: patio, bricks for the landscaping and a few shrubs planted. Today is the day to get our mulch, we had rocks and I didn’t like them. I, the pain in the butt that I am, wanted mulch even though it needs to get replaced every 1-2 years. I also wanted patio pavers that were a pain in the butt to lay. I have to admit, our patio is more than what I wanted. It’s perfect. I’m going to be pretty sad the day we move out of our house because of all the work we did around the house. After our landscaping is done (hopefully by the end of THIS summer) we can start working on the inside of the house. Which is desperate for some TLC. Our house is very old and you can definitely tell by the style of the tile and linoleum.
We got our mulch put down and it makes our house look so much nicer. Our windows were also cleaned and the house was power-washed. It almost looks like a new house! (Not really, but it’s a huge improvement) let’s just hope the rest of the landscaping goes smoothly and we can make a decision on what to plant around the house.
It’s inevitable, bad things are going to happen. Like the time you do your hair and makeup to go out and realize your armpits are a little hairy so you shave them quick and get soap in your eye. Then it causes your eye to burn and water and you need to rinse it out which will ruin your makeup. So much for being quick. You’re going to have your heart broken, drift from friends you never thought you’d lose, something you own is going to break, an unexpected expense is going to come up and you’re not going to have enough savings to cover it, and you’re going to get that giant pimple the day of pictures. It happens all the time and to everyone.
It always seems like your the one that all those bad things happen to and it makes it hard for you to look past them to see all the good things that have happened in your life. The positives always outweigh the negatives. If you think of five positive things every morning when you get out of bed, you can already start your day ahead on a positive note. Don’t get me wrong, it is so easy to have theee bad things happen in a day and then you can only think of the bad things that happen to you. Your mind is more powerful than you realize and you just need to push out the bad thoughts and focus hard on the good thoughts and good things that have happened. My mom always told me if you wake up and it’s raining out, don’t think ‘oh great, it’s raining.’ You need to think ‘oh that’s alright it’s raining at least I don’t have anywhere to go,’ or ‘at least I can get things done inside that I’ve been wanting to do.’ Or anything else to focus on besides the bummer that it’s raining.
Bad things will happen. You have to remember you’re the only one who can make the best out of the situations based on how you respond to them. Keep a positive mind and refuse to let yourself dwell on the bad things.
*side note, I have NOT edited this post yet, so bare with me!