Tomorrow is a New Day

For all who know me, like really know me, knows how bad my anxiety is or can be. Today was ROUGH. I woke up this morning and there was snow everywhere. It was covering everything. I live in Minnesota and it’s January so I can’t even be surprised. I just wasn’t expecting it since it’s been so nice lately.

Even though my night sweats are back full force and I haven’t slept much the last two nights, I woke up in a good mood. I did a full face of makeup (got the OK from the dermatologist-I’ll save that story for another day) and curled my hair. I was planning on getting to work early even though I assumed the roads were crappy so I left earlier than usual. I know to drive slow when we get any snow/ice because they barely treat the county road I live near and it’s always terrible.

I was going maybe 40-45 tops thinking I was only driving on a nice new layer of snow when I saw 6 deer running across the road in front of me. I hit my brakes (not super hard or anything) but it was enough for them to lock and I slid right into the last deer. I am 27 and I hit my very first deer and I’m from northern Wisconsin. Are you flipping kidding me? I immediately started to cry and pulled my car over on the next road (like 100 yards away from where I hit the deer.) I immediately called my husband to tell him what just happened literally 3 miles from my house.

Here’s where I will mention I am driving a brand new, 2019, doesn’t even have plates yet, nor have I made a car payment, Honda Pilot and now I need a new front bumper.

After looking at my car and making sure I can still drive it, I was planning on stopping at my husbands work to have him check it out quick to make sure I can make the 45 mile drive to work. I called my mom on my hands free to tell her what happened and I made it maybe 3 miles down the road. I was going extra slow now knowing it was icy under the snow. My car literally slid to the edge of the road and once my tires hit the gravel on the shoulder, I lost complete control of my vehicle. I literally screamed and yelled to my mom I was going to roll my car because it was everywhere and about to go in the ditch. I don’t know who or what was looking over me but all of the sudden I was back in my lane going down the road. I was absolutely hysterical. I couldn’t breathe or even form words. I made it to my moms house a mile away and stopped to calm down. I somehow calmed down enough and got the courage to not only still go to work, but also drive myself to work.

I literally cried off and on all day at work.

I’m safe. I’m not hurt. My new car isn’t totaled. I didn’t go in the ditch. No one else was involved. I made it to work in one piece. I’m okay.

No matter how many times I’ve told myself this today, it really hasn’t made my day any easier. But I truly am thankful that it wasn’t worse than it was. It happened. It’s done. It’s over.

Ps. Sorry if this is all over the place. I’m exhausted and too tired to proof read at the moment, will edit tomorrow!

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Running Set Backs

Don’t get me wrong, I love running! But after taking weeks off, it’s pretty difficult for me to get back into it! I was doing great for a few months, then my anxiety took over and it took me a little bit to get out of it and feel good again. Then I got sick with some weird virus that lasted 10 days or so, 9 of them in which I couldn’t keep food or fluids in and ended up in the ER.

Hospital: 1 Brittany: 0

I started running again since I was finally able to keep nutrients in and get some energy back and then my night sweats started. They would get to the point where I’d just wake up for the day at like 2 or 3am. That lasted another week or so, no energy again. The night sweats are definitely not a new symptom but they just happened to hit hard and hit at a bad time. Finally the new year started, so did my running. I have goals to reach this year. I went out with one of my friends like we do every third Thursday for a couple drinks and dinner. I was perfectly fine all day long, all during dinner and then bam! I felt like I was going to throw up. I didn’t even make it out of town before I had to throw up. I barely made it home for the second time. Then it just wouldn’t stop. Constant. The later the night when on, the harder and more frequently I puked. It was literally every 8-10 minutes for an hour and a half. I couldn’t breathe. Naturally, I ended up in the ER again.

Hospital: 2 Brittany: 0

After a few days of basically sleeping nonstop I got my energy back and am finally back to myself! Time to put my new treadmill to good use and get those miles in before the next ER visit! (Hopefully that doesn’t happen!)

I absolutely love running. It’s such an amazing stress reliever and anxiety reducer! It’s just so tough to get back in the habit of waking up at 4 to get a run in before work. But I will do it! I know I can!

New Year, New You

How many times have you heard that? I’m still the same person. I plan on staying the same, this year, next year and the next. I get it, I grow a little with age, but I don’t plan on starting the year completely brand new.

Do you set New Years resolutions? I give myself goals. Most people have a 5 year or 10 year plan. I do too, but I also have yearly plans, or goals. My goals are definitely simple and easily achievable. I’m really hard on myself so I don’t choose anything I can’t actually achieve because then I just get overly anxious and beat myself up about it. “You are your worst critic” is by far the most accurate statement I’ve ever heard. I rarely ever give myself credit for anything and I’m almost never proud of myself for things I have done. I always feel like I could have done better. That’s why it’s so important for me to write down goals that I know if I actually TRY, I will achieve them.

Some goals of mine for this year are: run 4-5 half marathons. Read 2-3 books per month. Build my savings account. Pay off a loan. Get all of my health issues fixed. (Nothing serious, just little things that need to get out of the way. Example: removing a mole that’s been bothering me.) Last but not least, blog more! Because let’s face it, I suck at blogging! So this year I will work on updating more!

So tell me, what are your goals or resolutions for the year?

Work, work, work…

Well this new land is definitely a lot of work! We have been cleaning up everything, taking the siding off the house piece by piece since it contains asbestos, and mowing weeded areas that haven’t been mowed in forever. It’s certainly improved a lot but there’s still a lot of work to go. I mostly have been cleaning up pieces of aluminum and garbage that have been just tossed on the ground and mowed into a million pieces.

While I’m cleaning aluminum pieces up I have to keep telling myself that one day I’ll be able to walk barefoot in my yard. Until then, I will be picking up little pieces of beer and pop cans that are spread along 3+ acres.

It’s absolutely heart breaking that someone could be so careless and just throw their garbage in the yard. We’ve filled at least four 50 gallon barrels of cans already. Other barrels full of plastics and don’t even get me started on the actual garbage.

One day this mess will be our home.

Busy Week

This week has been extremely busy! I have been working 8:30-5:30 all week, so I don’t even get home until after 6:30pm. It is also the week I started with my run coach, so I have been pushing my body to limits I wasn’t even aware I had. I’ve been dragging myself out of bed at 4:30am to get my run in before work, then after work I have been doing a second workout since I didn’t have enough time or energy to do it after my morning run. I have to say though, even though I’ve been sore, I have had the most energy and the least amount of anxiety in weeks! (Granted, I did just get married and that was stressful.)

I have also been eating much healthier and drinking more fluids, but here is the kicker, this week not only did I start my new training, I also got a nasty cold! Matt got sick too and he left work early Monday and called in Tuesday because he was so miserable. I stuck it out and went to work but mine didn’t get really bad until Thursday and Friday I was just miserable. I didn’t let my cold stop my workouts nor did I let it slow me down.

After work on Wednesday I called Matt to tell him I was making grilled cheese and tomato soup for dinner (since we are both sick). He reminded me for the umpteenth time that he was looking at getting a new lawnmower and he’d be home around 8. Well I ate my dinner, did my second workout and by time I was done with that, Matt had come home. He told me “I didn’t buy the lawnmower, but I did buy something else,” and handed me two folders. WE CLOSED ON OUR LAND!!!! Finally after YEARS of trying to buy this land, it was officially ours! I cried! (Let’s be real, I cry at everything.) The land is 13.3 acres, 10 of it is being farmed. It needs A LOT of work, which will be coming up in future posts!

T-Swift

Saturday I got to see Taylor Swift in concert for the first time. To say I was amazed would be an understatement! It was seriously the best concert of my life!

The tickets were a gift from my sister for my bridal shower back in June because she knew how bad I wanted to go. I’ve always wanted to see her in concert and now I finally got to go! Matt naturally didn’t want to go with so I took my sister since she is the one who bought the tickets.

When we got to the concert I had no idea who was starting for her. Turns out it was Charlie XCX who was amazing as well as Camilla Cabello! We had these bracelets that were given to us when we walked into the stadium to turn on for Taylor. When Taylor Swift started the bracelets would light up different colors based on the song, bass, or whatever else. It was the coolest! There were lots of fireworks and confetti and I seriously had a blast!!!

If you ever considered going to see Taylor Swift, it is a MUST! I cannot wait to see her in concert again! She puts on an amazing show! So worth every penny!!!

Mini-moon to the North Shore

Where to begin? I suppose lets start with day one of our mini-moon! We decided to go on a small honeymoon before our actual one in February since we just got married and let’s be real, neither one of us are ready to go back to work. We decided on the North Shore since I grew up near Lake Superior and I love to hike and be around water and see waterfalls. We also thought it would be a good idea to take our dog with us as well.

We left the Monday after our wedding and spent six hours in the car to get to our campsite. Well since we left later than I wanted we did’t get to Tettegouche State Park until 8:30 and it was already dark. We went to check out our campsite and I told Matt, oh it’s the cart-in site! Apparently upon booking, I had NO IDEA what that even meant. Oh well it meant that you literally cart in all of your stuff to your site. So no driving to it. Naturally I pick a site farthest away too, it was a half mile walk one way to our campsite! Since we were in the middle of NO WHERE, Matt refused to let me stay at the site alone while he went to get firewood so we could see what the heck we were doing. Did I mention that there were no showers, only outhouses, no electricity and we had to keep our food/scented items in a bear safe steel box? Since we couldn’t drive our truck to the campsite, we did not have a way to air up our air mattress, thankfully I packed a ton of blankets to use as a bed which by the way, didn’t help. I have bruises on my legs from the rocks that I slept on. We also were right on the lake, so it was 50 below during the night and I did not get any sleep the first night. During the day however, I LOVED our campsite! It was so nice being close to the lake and hearing the waves crash along the shore. 39878865_10156506469780690_3865163214245330944_n.jpg

Day two we hiked over 11 miles and over 60 flights of stairs. We saw Gooseberry Falls, Split Rock Light House, High Falls, and Twin Falls. Everything was absolutely breathtaking. I was a little concerned about our overweight golden retriever, but he did phenomenal. Day three we hiked over 9 miles and over 60 flights of stairs again. We visited the Cascades, Grand Marais Harbor, and Devil’s Kettle, (which was on my bucket list). I also started my very first fire! So that was pretty exciting! The last day of hiking we only went around 5 miles and no where near as many stairs. We saw High Falls on the Minnesota/Canadian border, Temperance River and Falls, Silver Bay Marina and went shopping in Grand Marais. While shopping in Grand Marais, I got to go to a bookstore! Not like Barnes and Noble, but a privately owned one! It was the cutest place ever and I could have spent the whole day in there if Matt would have let me! *No, nothing in this blog post is an ad, I am just sharing my wonderful experience!

Overall, we came home exhausted and I was so homesick and wanted my bed after staying in a tent the whole time! Dozer isn’t even phased that he walked over 30 miles and 120+ stairs over the week. So if you like nature, hiking and waterfalls, the North Shore is definitely the place to go! I seriously had a blast and would more than happy to go back and see more things that we didn’t see this time!

Stress and a Wedding

One week! One week until the wedding and to say I’m stressed would be an understatement. I’m not even sure what it is exactly I’m so stressed about. All the big stuff is figured out. Final counts are in. All the little stuff I delegated to other people, but here I am, going crazy.

I was supposed to be out of town running a half this weekend. I’ve had a rough couple of weeks so my mom talked me out of going. However, I did manage to let her talk me into going to a 6 mile run with her today. The run was rough. I struggled the whole time and I begged to let me turn around so I could just be done with it. Of course my stubborn mom refused and made me keep going. So I did. I started to cry and I kept running. By then my mom was begging me to stop because obviously something isn’t right. Runs decrease stress, not make you cry. I stopped and sobbed. Flat out bawled my eyes out and I have absolutely no idea why. I did agree to turn around now upset that I probably let my mom down. I may have not made it 6 miles today but I still managed 5 and I have to say I feel so much better!!

For anyone that says running doesn’t help stress or anxiety, you are dead wrong. Running literally is a life saver for me. I’d lose my mind if I wasn’t able to run. Today proved that. I needed a good cry and a good run. Now I just have to manage to keep running all week to help keep my sanity. I think I can, I think I can.

Wedding Brain

I honestly think wedding brain is a real thing. You hear about “pregnancy brain” or “Mom brain” but I can vouch that “wedding brain” is a thing.

I am getting married in twenty short days. Each day I remember less and less. I have to write myself multiple sticky notes to remember things and then I somehow manage to lose my sticky notes! I need to make notes about where my notes are! This is a real problem, people! My bridesmaids, mother-in-law, or whoever will ask me questions to ask someone else. Unless I write that question down the moment it comes out of their mouth, I can guarantee I won’t remember it for more than six minutes or even by time they are done with their sentence. I’ve never been this bad.

I also am one that lives dependent on her planner, I haven’t even remembered to write in that so I have no idea what is even going on in my life. I’m a mess, that’s for sure.

I’ve also noticed lately that I write notes in my phone, presumably so I don’t lose them, and I don’t even put enough detail in them because I assume I’ll remember the whole thing or what it means. Lately, I do not. I end up looking at it thinking, what the heck is this for? What does this even mean? Come on, Brittany! Make better notes!

Let’s be real, I’ve never been one to remember everything. I’ve always been pretty forgetful but this is an all time record of forgetfulness.

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